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Current Life Status: Don’t Touch Me, I’m Famous

So anyone who knows me knows I hate reality TV. I’m a TV show addict like I believe TV is life! Scandal, The Vampire Diaries, Baby Daddy, Hit The Floor, Devious Maids, The Originals, Revenge, Believe, How I Met Your Mother… You name it, I watch it! But I just can’t deal with Reality TV. I just don’t understand the concept… Is it “Reality” when it isn’t real-real? That’s just what irks me. You can’t plan scenes in real life! The only thing I consider “reality tv” is Big Brother. All this Mimi and Stevie J and ehh Nene and co, just too much drama; no substance. Anyways, all this long story short is just to say that I am not a fan of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. I don’t care whether Bruce and Kim are taking New York to Miami or whatever. They annoy me, the show annoys me, everything annoys me! So when I first heard Kim Kardashian had a game, I was like “k, daz cul, obvz not gonna play dat”… But one random day, I was bored so I said lemme just download this thing to see why my cousins were so obsessed with it. Honestly, I should have marked this day as the day Kim Kardashian Hollywood bought my life- okay jk not that deep… but seriously though, this game has used serious jazz on me. I wake up in the morning and play this game (after praying of course so thunder doesn’t strike me), I play this game on my way to work, at work, on my way back from work, when I get home, and then I make sure I complete one last task right before I lay my head on my pillow. Like is this even real life?

So the game started with me working at one razz So Chic store (that doesn’t even have fitting rooms, yup, it’s that lame) with one yeye boss that’s always angry and rude. I’m like “this nigga…” but then, I remembered I was just a lowly white girl (yeah I didn’t know I could change my skin tone till my second day of playing the game haha) who nobody knew, so I just humbled myself real quick and did the work. Then Kim entered the store, needing a dress and I, being a boss-a$$-betch-who-don’t-care-about-no-boss, gave her a dress for free. That’s how my rise to fame started with Kimmay (as I like to call her as we’re now so kool, klose and konnected) being my bestfriend and tweeting about me and inviting me to owambes in Vegas ati New York. Mehn, I’ve been living the actual life.

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Anyways, I don’t want to go into every single detail about all I’ve gone through in the game bc this will be an unending post (I told you guys I play this game 24/7) but I just want to highlight a few things.

  • Can somebody explain to me why the clothes are so damn expensive!? You guys, even ordinary bra is $975?? BRA!!! Like I’m confused as to whether this bra will change my life and give me a bright future. Another one that vexes me is that strapless abi boobtube top that costs like $900?? Something that will be 2 for $5 at Forever 21 or $1 at Wetseal (ew). Oh I take that back acshuali, I forgot I’m a B-list (literally one position away from A-list) celeb so I obvz don’t shop at those places anymore duhhrrr.
  • Can we talk about how rude dates are? I was wearing my $2000 cream and black dress and one damn D-lister (D-LISTER, IMAGINE) had the audacity to tell me “I’m really worried about what others will think when they see how you’re dressed for our date”?? Wauuu I actually blame myself for privileging you with a call. Goodbye to you and your pink beard *break up*

“I’m sorry, but you’re a little under dressed for a date…” No I’m the one who’s sorry *break up*

“I could write a poem about how lacking your outfit is. Want to hear it?” Want to hear how much I :) do :) not :) care? :) *break up*

“I find your lack of preparedness for our date disappointing” I find your face disappointing *break up*

“You sure know how to dress! I should know; I’m a model.” *brea- Oh, hey boo! *bats eyelids* *flips hair* *orders drinks and hors d’oeuvres*

What is even more annoying is the fact that you’re the one that pays all the money in this date oh! You pay for the food, drinks, everything! And then to kiss takes like 5-10 bolts of your energy! (wauw is kissing actually that energy-consuming?). Then these dates might later have the audacity to call you to break up and then you have to “charm” them. (INGRATES!)

ajfrh

 Meanwhile, it’s soooo hard/rare to get “K”stars on this game. Anyways, this is just a life lesson in disguise: Don’t spend your savings on these brothers because they’re not loyal. Thanks for the advice, bb @Kimmay.

  • Omg you guys, I was asked to do a nude photoshoot! My morals were called into serious question at this point. Like I had to pause and think, “Come, Chioma would you pose nude just for fame?” LOL like in real life, without question, I would not do it. But I was like does the fact that it’s a game change the fact that I’d be compromising my morals? Son, this was such a deep decision. When Marcel Tesiano (B-list photographer aye!) told me I’d have to be naked, I told him “Ah Oga, Excuse me?”, he now started talking about how the photos require “tasteful nudity” and how our ancestors didn’t wrap themselves in designer robes (bc obviously we all walk around naked in present day bc Adam and Eve did *rolls eyes*). Anyhow, long story short, I posed nude :( LOL I mean I wasn’t actually nude; I was wearing my clothes but just clicked on the “disrobe” button without actually getting disrobed. I read online that if you insisted on not doing it and asked Kim for advice, she’d just tell you that the Marcel guy is a total professional and you’d be in good hands (It’s not about being “in good hands” Kimmay, it’s about being naked in those good hands -_-). Anyways, after her unhelpful advice, if you still insist on not doing it, the offer would be given to your arch-nemesis Willow Pape (UGH I HATE HER. This cow claimed I was flirting with her boyfriend and I wasn’t even! So since then, she’s been trying to make my life a living hell. Like one time, she tweeted trash about me and I lost 4,500 fans!!!)

Oh well, It was actually quite interesting (and a tad disappointing if you thought about it deeply) that Kim was basically passing across the message “You need to pose nude and compromise your morals for fame and fortune”. Like maybe I’m taking it too deep, but the majority of the people that play this game are her younger fans and that’s not really ok uno. But then again, she gave us a choice- although the moral choice would stunt your success- so I guess that was actually a glimpse of real-life Hollywood.

ajfmy

 

  • Don’t you guys just hate when Simon calls RIGHT AFTER you finish a gig??? Like nigga can I breathe?!?!? 

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  • Or when Simon decides to call in like 3-8 hours!?
  • Or when Simon just doesn’t call!?!
  • Or when Simon uses “YOLO” and “DTF”?
  • LOL Simon is such a pain but I love him!
  • Does anyone else want to punch Maria in the throat?
  • And that ode Ray Powers with his botoxed face oh gosh
  • Also, what is it with all these black men with orange hair and pink beards!? And these basics that just dress anyhow anyhow?

                                              ajfst

Oh welllll, I need to get back to my Pop Glam photoshoot so I shall catch you all later! This life of an almost A-list celebrity isn’t easy at all *hair flip* *chills in furniture-less condo* Need more Kstars to live that baby girl life.

                                           ajfnu

EDIT: I’m now an A-list celebrity and I bought the boobtube top bc 41 swagz. #Bam #MadeItInLife #HellurrHollywood #ByeCollege

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5 Things to Know About Boko Haram

Originally posted on TIME:

The militant group Boko Haram has become a target of international outrage ever since it kidnapped more than 250 Nigerian schoolgirls last month. A leader of the group recently boasted in a video that “I abducted your girls” and will “sell them in the market.” The United States has vowed to send a team to Nigeria to assist in their rescue, and a social media campaign is seeking to raise the pressure on world leaders to act.

Here are five things to know about Boko Haram.

It began in Nigeria’s poorest corner

Nigeria was formed as a protectorate of Great Britain, but the colonial power concentrated its resources on the coast. The country’s northern half, which extends into the Sahara, was Muslim, and so poor that in Kano, the ancient city walls are being eaten away by people stealing sand. Northerners generally feel under-represented, and Boko Haram began…

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Mount Holyoke, A College For White Men?

Chioma:

WHAT THE HELL? I can’t believe they actually arrested and took her to the police station for basically NO reason! And the whole laptop thing, ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? And then white people and obviously deluded people of color would tell you to “Get over racism. it doesn’t exist anymore”. This is CLEAR evidence right here. It’s annoying me that some people are focusing on the fact that “she broke a few college rules” as opposed to the elephant in the room here; this young woman was discriminated against and treated like a criminal, because she has more melanin in her skin bc that’s apparently a crime. if you cannot see that, check yourself. DON’T @ ME.

Originally posted on The DoubleX Chromosome:

Malyszko/Mount Holyoke Photo I am a black student at Mount Holyoke College, the first of the seven sister schools, which was started because no other American colleges accepted women. Mount Holyoke women are taught to be bold, to never fear change, and to speak up against injustice… unless you’re a student of colour. 177 years later white male privilege still reigns supreme here. And it is actively reinforced by campus police.

I spent the early hours of Saturday morning at the South Hadley Police Department having been arrested at Mount Holyoke for “breach of peace.” This is how the story begins.

My boyfriend Sam came to visit me on a whim so I took my blankets and my things to an unoccupied room in the dorm where my friends and I often hang out. I have a roommate who I couldn’t kick out on such short notice so I set up the other…

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Going Back To Natural? Let’s Go!

Originally posted on The Kink And I:

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Hello lovelies!

We have come to the end of theGoing Back To Natural series. Every single day of this week has been dedicated to enlightening, encouraging and inspiring everyone considering reclaiming their kinks, going back to natural hair.

This has been an interesting week. We’ve looked at what hair is and how relaxers work, how to transition from relaxed to natural hair, creating a healthy hair regimen and choosing hair products. You can catch the entire series here.

I’m still here for you- always an email awaythekinkandi@gmail.com, but as this series comes to a close, I thought I’d say some last words:

1. Start Now.

Whether you’re transitioning, or you’re happy remaining on #teamrelaxer, I want you to be on #teamGoodHair, because good hair is healthy hair. Your healthy hair journey starts now.

yaya

Yaya of life!

2. Be Ready.

Before you go, I’d love for you…

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That Time Beyonce’s Album Invalidated Every Criticism Of Feminism EVER

Originally posted on Global Grind:

Beyonce 22

If you don’t know by now, you’ve been living under a rock.

Early Friday morning, Beyonce gave us all a heart attack when she released her self-titled visual masterpiece, Beyonce. And because we weren’t at all expecting it, we basically woke up in complete shock to messages like these:

And really, whose edges didn’t Beyonce snatch? She’s sexy, fun, talented. She’s a visionary — the videos are not only aesthetically pleasing, they are stories built from images. Her voice, as always, is perfection. She proves, once again, that she is the greatest of her time in overall entertainment. But there was something else about this album that caught our attention — something that wasn’t there in 2003’s Crazy in Love or critically acclaimed 4.

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What Does Love Mean?

Chioma:

this is the actual cutest thing!

Originally posted on Bankole:

I saw this beautiful piece on Tumblr and I thought I’d share it with you guys. 

*What Does Love Mean?*

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, “What does love mean?” The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

“When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all even when his hands got arthritis, too. That’s Love. Rebecca – age 8

When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.” Billy – age 4

“Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.” Karl – age 5

“Love is when you…

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