-the weird cycle-

Breaking up is weird. It’s sad, it’s painful and it’s just… weird. You wake up one morning and you’re so happy like “what is a relationship even?? All I need is me myself and Jesus amirite!?” and later that same day, you go to bed like “plsss come back, I was doing myself. Me, myself, and Jesus would love to make some space for you”. It’s weird when you no longer hear the voice of the person you’ve talked to every single day for months or even years. And every tonop affair when you drink a little bit and feel a little ‘joyful’, it’s weird when you can’t share a little bit of that joy with the one person your fingers constantly ache to text.

People deal with breakups in different ways. I’ve comforted friends who ate, who cried softly, who WEPT, who ranted via BBM/Whatsapp voicenotes, who Ctrl+alt+delete+blockedt, who called up their old hoes to “say hi” lmao. I feel like break-ups are easier when you have some sort of anger or deep pain to feed off of. Actually I take that back- the break-ups aren’t easier per sé, but moving on might come quicker to you in such a situation. Because everytime you reach for your phone and scroll through your contacts, you remember… You remember the girl he cheated on you with. You remember the day you found out and how confused you were, because number 1) hating aside, she wasn’t even cute and her personality was even less cute. You remember how hurt you felt when you realized that 94.7% of his words were lies. You remember how stupid you felt for believing him and trusting him through it all, unlooking the subtle warning signs that you encountered. You remember all the unsaid “I told you so”s around the room when you told your friends whom you were hoping he would prove wrong. You remember, and you lock your phone and place it back into your back pocket.

Now imagine when there’s no anger, no deep pain, nothing to feed off of. Yeah he broke up with you but say he thought it was the best thing for you both at the moment for reasons known to you both but better understood by him, or he was having a really bad day and he momentarily snapped, or you understood that he was freaked out at how real things were getting between you both. Imagine when everyday you wake up and your fingers still itch to send that “Good morning babe” text although you previously used to detest the phrase “Good morning” for no good reason. Or in the afternoon when you just feel like calling to find out what he ate, and you wonder when and why you’ve become so invested in another person’s nutrition. At those moments, what holds you back? What holds you back from texting or calling? When he calls you, what holds you back from saying “I love you more”?

Sometimes, we think things through and tell- rather, assure- ourselves we know what’s best. We insist that second (or maybe third or fourth depending on our situations) chances are futile.

You wake up with the sun shining in your face, and walk to breakfast thinking “what is a relationship even? All I need is me, myself and J…”, while Demi belts out the lyrics of “Really don’t care” into your eardrums. And then, a song comes on your shuffle and you remember. You remember the day he was so giddy with excitement about this new jam Drake just released. You go to class and the sorority girl that just never shuts up tells your professor “I love that movie – I saw it with my boyfriend three times”, although he didn’t ask her. And you remember the cute way he pronounced the word “three” and how he would refuse to repeat it when you pretended like you didn’t hear what he said just to hear him say it again. It’s time for bed and you’re about to take a snapchat of your pile of homework with a “can’t do this anymore. Goodnight.” caption when you mistakenly hit the switch camera icon and your close-up face literally assaults your eyes. You look like scraps, your eyes are tired, your silk bonnet making you look mad deeper-life, and you remember the numerous times you looked the exact same way, and he still insisted you were so beautiful and got mad when you didn’t believe him.

And then you doubt. You don’t know if you’re making the right decision anymore. All the pep talks you gave yourself throughout the day literally just seep out of your memory. You try to distract yourself by watching your friends’ snapchat stories, and whose face is the first you see? You say out loud to God “wow thanks, ha-ha You must think You’re soooo funny”. You put your phone back to charge and five seconds later, you find yourself playing a certain snapchat over and over and over and over again. Your eyes get “wet” but you assure yourself that it’s because your phone light is so bright in your dark room.

You lay your head to sleep.
You wake up with the sun shining in your face.
You think “oh my gosh LOL what was even wrong with me last night? What is a relationship even?”

And the cycle restarts.

Tell all tutorial: How to be a Lagos boy

Originally posted on As Told by Chichi:

Tired of seeing Lagos boys and not being able to deal, this tutorial will change your “can’t deal” to I refuse to can’t, I now can with renewed vigor. No more feeling like white rice without stew when you can evolve into jollof

Introducing a tell all tutorial on how to be a Lagos boy, satisfaction guaranteed or your money back, which is awkward because you didn’t pay any money. This tutorial will make you stop feeling like you have half head, when your mates are chilling with their heads complete.

DON’T WANT TO READ THE POST? Watch me read it instead

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Nigerian International Collabs

Originally posted on Laughs & Lamentations:

Went to watch Emirates Cup yesterday with my bro and Szymon. £25 to see Arsenal, Villareal, Wolfsburg and Lyon. What a steal. We chose the right side of goal to be at 6 of the 9 goals were at our end. Great goals as well. Also saw Habiba there and she looked lovely as usual. Was great to see her, thank God for Snapchat stories haha, wouldn’t have realised she was there if I hadn’t seen it on her story. So on the note, I ended my last post, I begin my new one. I give you my personal ranking of Nigerian music artistes collaboration with International artistes. What is classified as international and as Nigerian but I shall go ahead.

1. D’Banj: Mr Endowed Remix feat Snoop Dogg

What don’t I love about this song. Nothing. The video was well directed, high quality and sooo fun, Snoop Dogg seemed to…

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Scandal of Grace

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. (‭Ephesians‬ ‭2‬:‭8-9‬ NIV)
These verses are dedicated to anyone feeling unworthy of God’s love and/or salvation through Jesus. I’d love to share what I heard in church last Sunday! “Grace is unmerited favor- we didn’t earn it but God gave us anyway. You didn’t earn grace so you cannot lose it!”. We’ve all “sinned and fallen short of the glory of God” but that’s the amazing thing about God’s grace. Irrespective of our sins, “if we declare with our mouth “Jesus is Lord”, and believe in our heart that God raised Him from the dead, we will be saved”. So stop thinking “omg I can’t reach out to God, I don’t think He will listen to me or answer me, I’m not worthy”! We are ALL unworthy but His grace is always more than sufficient. Remember that “if we are faithless, he remains faithful, for he cannot disown himself. (‭2 Timothy‬ ‭2‬:‭13‬ NIV)”. Nothing can separate us from the love of Christ. Literally nothing! And that’s so crazy to me because we, human beings, fall in and out of love all the time! Even when we think we can never stop loving someone, something can happen that might prove us wrong! Or sometimes, even if we still love that someone, we might decide that it’s best to love them from a distance. But with God, that’s never the case! The only distance that can exist between Him and us is the distance WE create. Despite all the things we’ve done that we might not be proud of, He remains madly in love with us, and gives us the gift of grace, by which we are saved through faith! He’s honestly the realest MVP. He really is. I hope this comforting fact warms your hearts as much as it does mine and I hope you’ve all been blessed by this 7-day bible challenge as much as I have been! God bless youuuu 💜

It’s the little things you do…

Originally posted on S a n c t i f i e d:

For today, I’m supposed to share my top five pet peeves.

Once again, I am not sure what those are, but in no random order, here are some little things that get on my nerves.

  1. English Mistakes. I’ve recently seen one too many. I don’t know if being an English major has contributed to this, but I greatly dislike it when people don’t use proper english, especially after they’ve finished forming for me and using big grammar. I mentioned this to my summer roommate yesterday, and she retorted “that’s your privilege speaking”. She was right. Perhaps this irks me because I was privileged enough to have Mrs Smith and Mr Kolawole and Mr Eke teach me correct english, or whatever. But I also went to a school whereyou were laughed at if you made a grammatical mistake. I remember leaving the dining hall one day and I blurted “Ibukun did…

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…and who do you think you are?

Originally posted on S a n c t i f i e d:

Once upon a time, something happened. And I got upset.

I got upset because I felt like I tried so hard and do all I could to serve God and to do His will (although I often fail terribly). So why, I thought, did all that happen to me? Why didn’t He warn me earlier, why did He watch me fall into the trap again? It was the same story of someone doing something, or I doing something, falling short, then feeling bad, getting upset, and finally asking “Oh Lord, why didn’t you warn me ahead of time? Why did you not also prevent me from this? Why do you not help me?”

But that day, just as I was about to launch a big, annoying rant about how God is good to other people and bla bla bla, something in my heart told me to shut my mouth.

A little detour.

I find it very difficult sharing the…

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Testimony- The rain does not stop falling just because the calabash is full!

Originally posted on S a n c t i f i e d:

My march update is finally here.

It’s pathetic that I’m posting this so late into the new month, perhaps my April update should be called Struggle since I struggle so much with discipline and timeliness. I need God because I promise I’ve tried everything- I’ve got to the end of me, but clearly, there’s nothing I can do. (well, naturally)

Anyway, today is a happy day because of the things that the Lord has done.

If you remember, when I first started blogging I said it was because when I was asking God to gift me with a new laptop, I promised Him that I would use it to His glory.

Well, last month, the Lord gave me the laptop of my dreams. He made the finances available not just for me to purchase a brand new laptop for myself, He also blessed me so much that together with a friend of mine…

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