CHEATING

I actually want to post this on ‘our’ tumblr but I’m not sure yet

  1. Cheating is always a choice, not a mistake:  I put this as number 1 cuz to me, it’s like the golden rule of cheating or whatever. Lol. For real though, think about it. When people cheat, they say it was a mistake or the work of the devil, but come on. It was a conscious choice. Okay, let’s say I go to a guy friend’s house. On my way there, I’m obviously not thinking to myself ‘oh yes! cheating time! *white girl fist pump*’, but at that moment that he begins to touch me or lean in to kiss me, I’m conscious of what is going on. Not stopping it, initiating it or going along with it IS my choice.
  2. Cheating doesn’t mean you have to kiss, meet or have sex with someone else. Once you find yourself deleting messages so your partner will not see them, then you already are there: Idk how I exactly feel about this. Like yeah, it seems logical, but everything is not what it seems (Wizards of Waverly place ^_^ ..anyways..)  SOMETIMES, your significant other might not just understand or want to understand. For instance, if I have a male best friend and we’re superrr close, act like siblings, playfully call each other sugary names and all that, BUT we have NO feelings for each other, I might still find myself deleting messages from him. NOT because I’m guilty of anything, but because my boyfriend might not understand, or believe me when I say ABSOLUTELY NOTHING is going on. Like yeah, I know he’s meant to trust me and blah blah blah, but I also know that the human mind is very skeptical. Even when you want to believe something with your whole heart, there’s still just that little something in your head telling you ‘hmmm…”
  3. In the day of modern technology, I do believe the lines of cheating are becoming more and more blurred every second. There’s no more secret hotel room charges, or the classic voicemails; its all in the hidden meanings between those “likes”, “favorites” and “posts” (http://silver13lining.tumblr.com/): YES YES YES to this! On twitter, you see girls saying stuff like “Don’t RT my boo” or “Don’t “hi :$” my boo”. Lol. They might make it seem like oh, it’s all bare jokes, but trust me, 95% are serious lowkey. And I actually don’t blame them oh. Especially when they say “Don’t DM my boo”. Le DM is a very dangerous place. If you didn’t know, know now. I don’t know the thing you’re saying there that you cannot just tweet for all of us to see, I mean, no be di same 140 karatas wey dey deh? Okay I’m not saying that oh, once your ‘boo’ DMs someone, likes a girl’s fb status or favorites another babe’s tweet, he’s automatically cheating. But the thing is that these little things might actually be signs from God through technology. Lol. Imagine if for instance, one girl you’ve already been suspecting tweets “I wish you and I could just forget about the rest of the world and run away together. They don’t know about us <3” and your ‘boo’ faves it. Hmm *Mr. Theodore’s voice* “Wahalar dey wahalar dey”
  4. “Cheating is not an accident. Falling off a bike is an accident. You don’t trip and fall into a vagina”: I LOVEEEE this oneeeee. LOL my mental picture of this is hilarious… Anyways yeah, this just relates to point number one. You really zon’t trip and fall into a vagina.
  5. It’s worse for a girl to cheat: Okay everytime I hear this thing, I VEX. Like serious vex. Please how is it worse? Cheating is cheating. For instance now, if two people, both involved in relationships, cheat with each other, society is usually quick to call the girl a whore and let the boy go scot free. I HATE this soooo much. BOTH of them were involved in the act, BOTH of them cheated on their significant others, and if you necessarily have to call names, BOTH of them should be called ‘whores’.
  6. Cheating also comprises- Cute texts, Long hugs and Hand holding: What do you guys think about this? Where do you draw the line and say “this is cheating” when it comes to the physical stuff?
  7. “I chose to stay with him for all the things he did right and not leave him for one thing that he did wrong.”: I think this is a line from a movie, which I do not know. Lol. I believe this is one of the major reasons why people who have been cheated on stay. But chill, if for instance, your boo kills your father and that’s the ONLY wrong thing he’s ever done to you EVER!, would you stay for “all the things he did right”? Jk jk jk, I’m just being silly =)) I actually find this quite cute, but it’s sooo dangerous as well to keep thinking this way, bc you give people the opportunity to take advantage of you.
  8. “As long as you like/love the person that you’re with.. Cheating shouldn’t be a problem.”: Came across this in a random girl’s text post. She talked about how she knows that humans are imperfect and all but she doesn’t think it is difficult AT ALL to NOT cheat. And though I hardly have any experience whatsoever when it comes to relationship drama, I actually agree with her. To me, the key word in this quote is “love”. I mean, if you truly love someone, you’re not meant to be willing to do anything to hurt him/her soooo… From this, can we actually conclude that if you can actually cheat on your significant other, maybe that isn’t the person that you truly love? Yes? No? Tbh, I really don’t know because I am still yet to experience the great temptation that precedes cheating.
  9. Once a cheater, always a cheater: Mm-hm. This is like the most controversial one. I’ve heard so many people arguing about this. My friend made a point that I found very interesting. She said, “If the thing that’s meant to stop him from cheating was not there the first time, how do I know that it would just appear the next time?”. That’s the thing; you never ever know. Idk if I agree with this. I mean, people change …………… or do they?
  10. “It’s not in my place to tell her that he’s cheating on her”: If you know that your friend is being cheated on, would you let him/her know? Or do you think it’s SOLELY their (them and their partners’) business and none of yours? I know at times, we wouldn’t want to seem like the evil witches and wizards that caused the relationship to scatter, but then again, is that worth betraying our friends’ trust?
  11. Cheating is inevitable: I was very taken aback the first time I heard that some people actually firmly believe that cheating is inevitable in a relationship. I believe it is this mindset that might encourage cheating in the first place? But then again, maybe I’m naive. What do you guys think?

Anywaysss, just wanted to stir your minds up a bit with this. What exactly counts as cheating to you? Do you think cheating is inevitable? Would you stay with/go back to your significant other if he/she cheats on you? If your friend’s S.O cheats on him/her, would you let him/her know? Please give me feedback. I want to know what you guys thinkkk ^_^Image

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28 thoughts on “CHEATING

  1. Cheating is different things to different people. You have to accept lows if you want to stay in a relationship for many years. But of course if the low gets too low or continuous too long then cheating is hard to avoid. And then there is the fun part. Sex is fun and maybe we just put too much emphasis on sexual fidelity in our relationships. Maybe we should allow each other a little fun on the side. Again cheating is different for different people.

  2. YES YES YES YES. Couldn’t have said it better. Number 10 can be a little difficult for people though. And I think it depends on how close you are to the person. If not you might be considered an enemy of progress.

  3. Okay, I’ve only been in 1 relationship so far and thank God it didn’t end because of cheating so I’m not even really sure about this whole cheating thing again. Me, I believe cheating is cheating. There are no two ways about it. You can’t tell me just because he/she pecked her/him on the lip(or is it grazed the lips I will use now) or was just having a private”friendly” discussion with her/him on some major intense stuff, the person was not cheating or even thinking about doing it. I take all these things seriously cos it has caused palava between my friends before. So everything you wrote about cheating is actually true. I especiially like the 1 about the dm stuff cos I almost fell trap to it once before

  4. Cheating is a very deep thing… Many are guilty of. Basically if you do not have a dead conscience, it is what you would not want to hear your partner did. If u don’t like your partner hugging another or cuddling another then do not do it. If u would like to know if u are cheated on then tell ur friend also

  5. I think the thought that cheating is inevitable sort of belittles the strength of relationships in general…why should it be expected that your significant other would act on any interest in another person while you’re together? Does that mean you don’t satisfy each other emotionally and/or sexually? I find it hard to understand that train of thought.
    If everyone supposedly has straying eyes and hands, then you can work out an open relationship with all of your partners.

  6. I’m not really sure what my take on 6 is…only because you could have like a male best friend or something of that sort that you could do all that to. It links in a way to what you were saying in No. 2. For instance, I know a girl who is going out with some guy but has a male best friend who is also more or less like a friend/best friend to the girl’s bf in question and they are all really close. You can’t even tell who’s dating who…so I don’t think 2 & 6 are very accurate. I find what you said about killing the dad in 7 funny in a way  Okay, okay…for real everyone’s bound to make mistakes sometime in their lives so they’ll probably deserve a second chance. But when this so-called ‘mistake’ gets constant, then hunny, it’s time to move on. As for 9, yeah I agree people change…for the better… or worse. If they keep on cheating after all effort has been made, then they probably need to go for counseling. As for the last point you made, I heard this from someone a while ago. It is somewhat confusing but I later realized that people are influenced by what they see or hear. This is a case of having a so-called “side-chick/guy” When I asked why the person thought so; he replied that “everyone needs an option to fall back on just in case…” Just in case what happens? Just in case your partner ‘cheats’ on you/ isn’t faithful? Just in case they break-up with you for some reason and you don’t want to go on a rebound? I think this is another trust issue. If you love someone, you have to trust them. Except you are in it for just the physical stuff and there was no love in the first place…then we’ve got an issue.
    I also heard this one – “Some people cheat to make their partners jealous” like I don’t even understand this. Regardless of the fact that you’re having problems, like how is it supposed to help the relationship in anyway? :/

    Chidera x

    • I TOTALLY get you Chidizzle. And the last point, I should have totally included that. I don’t know how it’s supposed to help the relationship, but I guess the people that do it have an explanation?.. Lmaoo I don’t even know. And as for the side-chick thing, I feel like it’s really inconsiderate to use someone as a fall back option or like a second hand Aba product 😦 lol thanks for feedback girl ❤

  7. LOL! This is so funny. I agree with this on many levels. But I guess it’s different from people to people. Temptation rises, humanity is weak haha. Some people have stronger will than others. Also, I don’t quite agree with no. 9 because I am an avid believer in the fact that people can/do change. Good job on this post (y)

  8. yhh i totally agree with ur lineup points, especially number 1 and 8. Cheating is definitely a choice and NOT a mistake, people need to start getting that straight. and yh, if you really or truly LOVE someone, cheating shouldn’t be something you can’t avoid. And yh point number 11 too, its sincerely inevitable, yes i must say but if you love that your “significant other” beyond doubt, cheating would never be an option for you. No matter the situation you find yourself, u’d always fight that temptation inorder not to hurt the feelings of ‘the one’ you love. And yh, something id like to add, in my opinion i think if you can’t be in a relationship without cheating, just call it quits and save the girl or the guy the heartbreak please and also, if ure in a relationship and ure not ‘getting’ what you expected to get from the girl or vice versa, and you begin to see that as an opportunity to cheat. Please call off the relationship and stop torturing yourselves. Thanks. 🙂

    • HAHAHAHA ‘torturing’ lool. Thanks Kizzle! I totally agree 🙂 Like if the person is not ‘satisfying’ you, I believe you should probably move on, instead of killing two birds with one stone and having a side-chick. You cannot eat your ‘cake’ and have it. x

  9. I don’t wholesomely agree on number 1 in the case of the influence of alcohol, weed, etc. Some girls are BAD!!! When they see a guy is vulnerable (all drunk, high and stuff), they “attack”. And in this state, the guy does not have full control of his senses, his body, and willpower. If the girl starts touching on his soldier, it’s over! A man’s soldier is often hard to control in the absence of influence, but in its presence, ha! Good luck retreating soldier. In this case, ‘cheating’ is somewhat inevitable, definitely not right, but should be understandable by his significant other (of course, depending on the relationship they have). Of course all the instances prior mentioned are not ALWAYS as such in real terms, but are not far-fetched. Also, I must add, without the influence, saying “no” is already DIFFICULT as it is, especially when the chick is foooiine. If she ugg up, it’s easy to be faithful lol (true talk tho). I want to use this opportunity to reach out to the ladies out there and condemn this stupid-a** statement that has bound most of the females today. “If a guy cheats on you, he does not love you.” THIS IS NOT TRUE!!!! I promise you, I assure you, I guarantee this is false. Ladies, we(men) are crazy, we do stupid things, we experiment, and yes, a good number of us cheat; but our hearts and minds are with the ones we love, always. Some of y’all are like that’s bs, honestly, I agree it’s bs. But it’s the simple truth. When a guy loves a girl, he adores her, he gives her his all (heart, mind, body, love, care, etc). Yes, he may slip, do STUPID things. It’s not the devil’s fault (stop blaming the guy lol), he messed up. HE STILL LOVES YOU BEFORE AND AFTER THE INCIDENCE. I assure you, CHEATING IS NO DETERMINANT OF A GUY’S LOVE FOR YOU. Ladies it’s not easy to comprehend this, it really isn’t. I hope you try at least. I didn’t touch on the ladies here. In the cases above, ‘guys’ and ‘ladies’ above can be interchanged (besides the soldier part lol), they apply to both genders.
    Thank you!

    • Dear Mr.,
      LOL you’re so funnayyy. I understand everything you’ve said but I don’t exactly agree. I don’t agree that that is a ‘stupid-a** statement’. I think it’s a matter of perspective. You’re looking at it from the ‘he loves her but he made a mistake’ view, but someone else might look at it from the ‘So he does not love her enough to not hurt her, to not cause her pain, to not break her heart?’ view. And then what about the people that cheat continuously? How many ‘mistakes’ could one possibly make just because he/she keeps seeing foooooine girls/boys? Another thing is everything varies from person to person. Like you, you might cheat on your girlfriend and still genuinely love her, but somebody else might and not actually love his. The way I see it, we will always be faced with temptations, but being able to resist these temptations helps us prove our love.
      Also, I believe that cheating could be a determinant in terms of degree. Imagine a situation in which I’m always cheating on my boyfriend, and he finally leaves me. Yes, I still ‘love’ him, but then maybe he would find someone that loves him more; ‘more’ in the sense that her flesh is weak, yet her love for him is stronger than the desires of her flesh.
      I do agree with you with regards to No. 1 though. I mean, if influence is involved, then it’s not exactly the same situation. Thank you so much for your feedback! ^_^

  10. Yesss.
    No 6. Cute texts, long hugs, hand holding and all that can be considered cheating, in my own opinion sha. Cos it can only lead to more.
    And No 10 – Ahhh. Like, I’ve given up on telling people whenever their boyfriends are cheating on them. You just suddenly become the bad belle friend that does not want their relationship to progress. I think lots of girls go into relationships with the mentality that all guys cheat, so when they eventually do it doesn’t even move them. I told a friend of mine her boyfriend was cheating on her, and she said “so? It happens” That’s rubbish. I don’t even bother myself anymore. Oh well.

    I don’t want to ever get cheated on sha, I don’t know what I would do. Cos people might be all ah, if my boyfriend cheats on me we’re breaking up immediately, Or if my husband cheats on me, that’s the end of that marriage. Yet, when they find themselves in that situation they just overlook it or something.

    I really like this post btw x.

    • LOOOL at no. 10
      Omg yes! I know right! When you’re actually in the situation, I’m sure it’s probably a whole different ball game. Cuz leaving someone you actually loved, or thought you loved, would not exactly be the easiest of things to do.

      Awww thank you Somtooo 🙂 ❤ xx

  11. Lol I have so much to say about cheating. But, honestly, every relationship is different. Cheating is not the fault of just one person. As in, the relationship had a problem already. Its either you’re not right for the person or you’re supposed to be doing something but you’re not doing it. I’m not trying to say that cheating is right. I’m just saying that there is always a reason and it usually has to do with the couple as a whole rather than just one person.
    An important part of a relationship is knowing the other person and being in tune with their wants and needs. If you fail to satisfy them or they fail to satisfy you, then the problem is deeper than just physical stuff. People just use physical stuff to try to overcome things but it’s never the right way.
    Whatever it is, I love your list, Chioma. Noone trips and falls in a vagina. So its never an accident. That one is my fav lol. But yeah, good stuff 🙂

  12. Oh wow I had actually neverrr thought about it that way before. This topic is just too corner-corner lool. Thank you soo much Ahunnaaaaa :D, and LOOL me toooo! =))

  13. Lol, this got me thinking. Cheating is a really touchy topic and means different things to different people. Before I used to think it was just the physical stuff, and if someone cheated on me, I would leave you immediately, but now I don’t feel like that anymore. 1 is as true as can be. Cheating is always a choice. But you can always make a choice to make a mistake, because in that moment, many lines can possibly blur and stuff and in that moment whether or not you feel like its wrong, you choose to live in the moment. 2, lol. True/false. While there is such a thing as harmful flirting, it provides the avenue for it to become harmful.But in some cases, that’s just the way the boy/girl is, and even though he doesn’t find anything wrong with sending cutesy texts to other people. his significant other does, and in order to avoid problems, (s)he just deletes them. 3,4,&5 my views are exactly the same as yours, Chiom! Spot on! 6, a big YES! Me, I tend to be very overprotective with my significant people, and so I do not want to see you holding hands with my boyfriend. I will bark at you and bare my teeth, Be warned. 7…mehh, I don’t really know. It all depends. You never just cheat. Sometimes people cheat because they need closure from a past relationship, or maybe because the partner is not satifsying them. So I think, depending on the reason why the cheater cheated, the couple should decide to stay together or not. 9, hmm. I think people do change, Sometimes you may just need to get that scare that “if I pull another stunt, (s)he’ll leave me” to put the relationship back on track cuz the tendency to take your partner for granted is there as a relationship gets older/more familiar. 10 PLEASE TELL YOUR FRIEND. I hate it when I hear friends give this excuse. If you are the person’s close friend, by all means do. If you’re not that close, tell his/her best friend to tell her. And those people that just want to tell so that they can pour sand in someone’s garri. God is watching! 11. Cheating is always avoidable. It is a choice. Hope this Helps chiiiiiomm

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