Current Life Status: Don’t Touch Me, I’m Famous

So anyone who knows me knows I hate reality TV. I’m a TV show addict like I believe TV is life! Scandal, The Vampire Diaries, Baby Daddy, Hit The Floor, Devious Maids, The Originals, Revenge, Believe, How I Met Your Mother… You name it, I watch it! But I just can’t deal with Reality TV. I just don’t understand the concept… Is it “Reality” when it isn’t real-real? That’s just what irks me. You can’t plan scenes in real life! The only thing I consider “reality tv” is Big Brother. All this Mimi and Stevie J and ehh Nene and co, just too much drama; no substance. Anyways, all this long story short is just to say that I am not a fan of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. I don’t care whether Bruce and Kim are taking New York to Miami or whatever. They annoy me, the show annoys me, everything annoys me! So when I first heard Kim Kardashian had a game, I was like “k, daz cul, obvz not gonna play dat”… But one random day, I was bored so I said lemme just download this thing to see why my cousins were so obsessed with it. Honestly, I should have marked this day as the day Kim Kardashian Hollywood bought my life- okay jk not that deep… but seriously though, this game has used serious jazz on me. I wake up in the morning and play this game (after praying of course so thunder doesn’t strike me), I play this game on my way to work, at work, on my way back from work, when I get home, and then I make sure I complete one last task right before I lay my head on my pillow. Like is this even real life?

So the game started with me working at one razz So Chic store (that doesn’t even have fitting rooms, yup, it’s that lame) with one yeye boss that’s always angry and rude. I’m like “this nigga…” but then, I remembered I was just a lowly white girl (yeah I didn’t know I could change my skin tone till my second day of playing the game haha) who nobody knew, so I just humbled myself real quick and did the work. Then Kim entered the store, needing a dress and I, being a boss-a$$-betch-who-don’t-care-about-no-boss, gave her a dress for free. That’s how my rise to fame started with Kimmay (as I like to call her as we’re now so kool, klose and konnected) being my bestfriend and tweeting about me and inviting me to owambes in Vegas ati New York. Mehn, I’ve been living the actual life.

                                               tumblr_mdjrsthvZb1qhwdzqo1_500

Anyways, I don’t want to go into every single detail about all I’ve gone through in the game bc this will be an unending post (I told you guys I play this game 24/7) but I just want to highlight a few things.

  • Can somebody explain to me why the clothes are so damn expensive!? You guys, even ordinary bra is $975?? BRA!!! Like I’m confused as to whether this bra will change my life and give me a bright future. Another one that vexes me is that strapless abi boobtube top that costs like $900?? Something that will be 2 for $5 at Forever 21 or $1 at Wetseal (ew). Oh I take that back acshuali, I forgot I’m a B-list (literally one position away from A-list) celeb so I obvz don’t shop at those places anymore duhhrrr.
  • Can we talk about how rude dates are? I was wearing my $2000 cream and black dress and one damn D-lister (D-LISTER, IMAGINE) had the audacity to tell me “I’m really worried about what others will think when they see how you’re dressed for our date”?? Wauuu I actually blame myself for privileging you with a call. Goodbye to you and your pink beard *break up*

“I’m sorry, but you’re a little under dressed for a date…” No I’m the one who’s sorry *break up*

“I could write a poem about how lacking your outfit is. Want to hear it?” Want to hear how much I 🙂 do 🙂 not 🙂 care? 🙂 *break up*

“I find your lack of preparedness for our date disappointing” I find your face disappointing *break up*

“You sure know how to dress! I should know; I’m a model.” *brea- Oh, hey boo! *bats eyelids* *flips hair* *orders drinks and hors d’oeuvres*

What is even more annoying is the fact that you’re the one that pays all the money in this date oh! You pay for the food, drinks, everything! And then to kiss takes like 5-10 bolts of your energy! (wauw is kissing actually that energy-consuming?). Then these dates might later have the audacity to call you to break up and then you have to “charm” them. (INGRATES!)

ajfrh

 Meanwhile, it’s soooo hard/rare to get “K”stars on this game. Anyways, this is just a life lesson in disguise: Don’t spend your savings on these brothers because they’re not loyal. Thanks for the advice, bb @Kimmay.

  • Omg you guys, I was asked to do a nude photoshoot! My morals were called into serious question at this point. Like I had to pause and think, “Come, Chioma would you pose nude just for fame?” LOL like in real life, without question, I would not do it. But I was like does the fact that it’s a game change the fact that I’d be compromising my morals? Son, this was such a deep decision. When Marcel Tesiano (B-list photographer aye!) told me I’d have to be naked, I told him “Ah Oga, Excuse me?”, he now started talking about how the photos require “tasteful nudity” and how our ancestors didn’t wrap themselves in designer robes (bc obviously we all walk around naked in present day bc Adam and Eve did *rolls eyes*). Anyhow, long story short, I posed nude 😦 LOL I mean I wasn’t actually nude; I was wearing my clothes but just clicked on the “disrobe” button without actually getting disrobed. I read online that if you insisted on not doing it and asked Kim for advice, she’d just tell you that the Marcel guy is a total professional and you’d be in good hands (It’s not about being “in good hands” Kimmay, it’s about being naked in those good hands -_-). Anyways, after her unhelpful advice, if you still insist on not doing it, the offer would be given to your arch-nemesis Willow Pape (UGH I HATE HER. This cow claimed I was flirting with her boyfriend and I wasn’t even! So since then, she’s been trying to make my life a living hell. Like one time, she tweeted trash about me and I lost 4,500 fans!!!)

Oh well, It was actually quite interesting (and a tad disappointing if you thought about it deeply) that Kim was basically passing across the message “You need to pose nude and compromise your morals for fame and fortune”. Like maybe I’m taking it too deep, but the majority of the people that play this game are her younger fans and that’s not really ok uno. But then again, she gave us a choice- although the moral choice would stunt your success- so I guess that was actually a glimpse of real-life Hollywood.

ajfmy

 

  • Don’t you guys just hate when Simon calls RIGHT AFTER you finish a gig??? Like nigga can I breathe?!?!? 

                                           ajfu7

  • Or when Simon decides to call in like 3-8 hours!?
  • Or when Simon just doesn’t call!?!
  • Or when Simon uses “YOLO” and “DTF”?
  • LOL Simon is such a pain but I love him!
  • Does anyone else want to punch Maria in the throat?
  • And that ode Ray Powers with his botoxed face oh gosh
  • Also, what is it with all these black men with orange hair and pink beards!? And these basics that just dress anyhow anyhow?

                                              ajfst

Oh welllll, I need to get back to my Pop Glam photoshoot so I shall catch you all later! This life of an almost A-list celebrity isn’t easy at all *hair flip* *chills in furniture-less condo* Need more Kstars to live that baby girl life.

                                           ajfnu

EDIT: I’m now an A-list celebrity and I bought the boobtube top bc 41 swagz. #Bam #MadeItInLife #HellurrHollywood #ByeCollege

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10 thoughts on “Current Life Status: Don’t Touch Me, I’m Famous

    • Lmaooo it will chop your data, time, (maybe even money – I spent $5 on K-stars once but I didn’t include that in the post bc I knew I would be judged hahaha), everything!

  1. LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! This post actually killed me.Like wauw, I expected that there could be a game crazier than Sims but apparently there is and you are addicted to it.hahaha. Your writing style is also great..Madam super star in the game world and in real life also, this just made my day 🙂

      • Omg Chioma I had finally reache a-list o, if was #2 sef
        Then my cousin decided to restart the whole damn game 😡😡😡😡😡
        I’ve deleted the game…I just can’t start from the bottom again
        I can’t
        Ayaba

      • OH MY GOSH AYO ARE YOU SERIOUS!??!?! I would have literally had heart attack LOL Your cousin needs beating. omg sooo sorry lmaoo I feel so bad for you. hahaha I would have deleted it too, honestly cannot start from the bottom again!

  2. You actually have a problem tbh.. God punish you..so this is why you can’t come out with me tonight?? bastardd

  3. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah! *sigh*… Chioma though. Did they send you to America to play game 24/7? ehn?
    Nice piece though, I like!

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