Concert Dreams, Cheddar Bay Budget

R. Eric Thomas

Dear Beyonce,

Ma’am. Ma’am! I did not realize the registration fee for the revolution was going to be so high.

cryingwhiletyping Me logged on to Ticketmaster

First of all, thank you. You are a phenomenal performer, businessperson, icon and GIF-factory. We are lucky to share the Earth with you.

Second of all, what the fuck are you doing charging me all this money for your concert? Where am I supposed to get the scratch to pay for your Givenchy-brand event? Can I pay in Frank’s Red Hot? Do you take Red Lobster gift cards? Do you?


No. You do not.


I, like many of my compatriots, am woke af. Now. This morning I greeted my fiance with a hearty “Black Power!” (He is white. This was awkward. Yes we can, amiright?) But, ma’am, I got to pay for cable. And a wedding. And, Bey, your husband told me I had…

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