On a scale of 1-“Ah God, are we fighting”, how bad was your 2016? (4)

The truth about my 2016 is it wasn’t all heartbreaking. There were some moments that were so ridiculous that I was like “Nah this year is a joke for real. It can’t be serious.” 😂 One of these moments was the night of the Superbowl. So I have this super close friend (let’s call her V); I’ve known her since I was 2 so you can imagine. However, being over here, V and I have had a long distance friendship/sisterhood for the past couple of years. But when we do get to talk proper, we speak for days and spill all our tea.

For days before the Superbowl, we’d been sending voice notes back and forth over whatsapp catching up on life. We started off with my woes lmao and then delved into hers. Her tale was the tale of an Igbo demon. Disclaimer: This story is mad twisted. V had been dating her current boyfriend for a while (can’t remember how long but let’s call him BF), but before him, there was a boy in her life whom she’d thought was “the one” for her (let’s call him ‘ID’ for igbo demon). They were never officially in a relationship but what they shared was more than a “thing.” She loved him so much, and she knew he loved her too, but since he wasn’t “good at talking about his emotions”, he didn’t express himself often… but she just knew. His family called her “our wife” and everything. So although they weren’t in an official relationship and he didn’t directly state any intentions, she was content with what they had and just knew that he was her end-game.

raw-1                 Red flag, red flag

Anyway, ID had a female best friend in Ghana (let’s call her Uche) who was also close to V. V had asked Uche many times if she liked ID, just to make sure she wasn’t stepping on any toes, but Uche kept saying she did not. Yet, V noticed that every time she posted ID on snapchat, the Uche babe would start moving funny and acting one kind. But she and Uche were so close that V decided that she was the one trippin’ because “Uche wasn’t that type of person.” Life carried on and so did their friendship.

One day, Uche called V and asked her “How do you feel about ID?” and V started gushing. Oh I love him sooo much. Even when I see him Monday to Thursday, if I don’t see him on Friday, I feel incomplete… *insert a billion emotional clauses, you know how people in love be like* Sha, when she was done, Uche said “Oh, okay. Well, he’s my boyfriend.”

raw                 ((SHOOOOOOOK))

(PAUSE: When V told me this, I was so mad because this Uche babe is clearly a snake. That was so unnecessary. If you’re coming to tell me somebody is your boyfriend, tell me straight up, let’s be moving. Not the one that you’ll make me expose my whole nyash complete as a prequel to the info you’re about to provide). Anyway, V apologized to her (??? imagine) saying she had no idea and now she knew, she’d back off completely. V was so upset, she couldn’t believe that these two people she trusted so much had just played her. So as she went through the next couple of days crying and sulking, she was tweeting all them “heartbroken” tweets. Guys, can you imagine that this ID boy messaged V saying “Can you delete your tweets? You’re upsetting my girlfriend.” (???)

So V replied the goat–ahem, boy–telling him he wasn’t f@#king serious and kept doing her. Uche now contacted V telling her, “You’re so shameless. Instead of you to face your own relationship” On top of that, Uche started telling V so many personal things V had told ID in confidence (trust me, these things were superrr personal) just to rub them in her face. So V called ID POPPING OFF, and do you know what this boy said? This boy said and I quote “Yeah well, I tell my best friend everything. Hashtag bestfriend code”

raw (3).gif    This was literally me at this point

This boy was a freaking joke. Hashtag bestfriend code? What is this? Primary 2? Sha, obviously there was no going back from that. V moved on and blocked the both of them. But it wasn’t easy getting over him. She cried for weeks. She even started crying in the voicenote she sent to me. She felt so deceived and embarrassed. I felt so bad for her man.

Anywayyy, where do I come into this story? Let me tell you. The night of the Superbowl, V kept calling me but Beyonce was performing at the time and if you know me, you know Beyonce is literally my MOM; it would have been disrespectful to not wait until after her (AMAZING) performance 😂. So I called back after the performance, and the conversation went like this:

Me: *acting like I hadn’t seen all the missed calls* HEYYYY GIRRRL WHAT’S UPPPP

V: *solemn voice* Hi Chioma

Me: *confused because she called me “Chioma” and not “goat” or “bitch”* Ahh V, are you okay?

V: Not really

Me: What happened?

V: Chioma, remember what I told you about ID and Uche?

Me: Yeah, omg what happened?

V: *long silence* I made it all up.

Me: ?? I don’t get

V: Yeah, I made it all up.

Me: That doesn’t make sense. Like why?? ??

V: Because you’d told me about the bad thing that happened to you, so I just wanted to say something heavy too so we could bond

raw-4   …At this point, I realized I’d been friends with a psychopath for 18 years…

Me: But that STILL does NOT make any sense! What I told you was more than heavy enough to “bond” over. Why did you feel like you HAD TO add something on top?

V: I know, Chioma, I’m so sorry. I’m such a horrible person.

Guys, I couldn’t believe it. I was just remembering how she cried in the voicenote she sent. Like this couldn’t be real life. So I was there lost in thought and confusion, trying to just make some sense out of the matter and then, a high-pitched male voice started talking to me on the phone.

BF: Chioma

Me: *trying to shake off my shookness and be cheerful* Hey BF! What’s up? How’ve you been?

BF: *even higher-pitched voice* L-l-l-let’s just cut to the chase here! Did you hear what your friend said?

Me: *thinking “Nigga damn, can you bring down this voice a few octaves?”* Yeah I heard, but I’m so confused

BF: Exactly! It doesn’t make any sense. I told her that if YOU her best friend didn’t believe her, then there was no hope that this could possibly be true!

And friends. That was when it hit me. Ya girl was in a boiling pot of stew.


So what happened was BF had gone through V’s phone and read our messages/listened to all our voicenotes. Therefore, he’d found out that she had cheated on him with ID, and she had been considering leaving him if she got her money up. He confronted her, telling her to get out of his house but she’d told him the excuse she told me (that she made up the whole story so we’d bond/I’d feel better). He obviously didn’t believe her but he made her call me and put me on speaker so he could hear my reaction.

I had messed up, messed up bad. But I still tried my futile best to help. I put on my bad bitch voice and started shouting at BF:

Me: “Hey hey BF, yo you need to calm down. I don’t know why you’re shouting at me. If she says she made it up, then she made it up!”

BF: *ten octaves higher* WHAT!? So you believe her?

Me: Of course I believe her! Idk how your relationship is set up but I know she’d never lie to me–so I believe her, and you should trust that she wouldn’t lie to you

(I know this was very unethical of me but guys, GIRL CODE! Actually HASHTAG BEST FRIEND CODE** 😂 I had already messed up, I had to at least try). Anyway, V took back the phone telling me she was sorry for dragging me into this mess, and she’d talk to me later. Omo I felt so bad for her. Her own had finished–there was no possible escape from this. It was game over. The referee had blown the final whistle.

The aftermath of this was heavy, truss mi. But sparing y’all the details and keeping a long ass story short, V and BF are still together till date–I even spent a day with the both of them when I went back to Nigeria for the summer. By this point, I knew my 2016 was being produced by Tyler Perry. Ya girl was dead in advance for the rest of the messiness it was preparing to unleash…


On a scale of 1-“Ah God, are we fighting”, how bad was your 2016? (3)

This post is definitely going to be the most difficult to write in this series, not only because the events I’m writing about are very sensitive, but also because I only like putting my stupid antics out there. I dump the serious stuff in my diary, on my friends’ heads, and on the Big Man Upstairs. So I apologize in advance because I’m sure you’ll be able to tell that I’m biting my mouth and being intentionally obscure in this post. But let’s dive–rather, waddle in with caution…

The weekend before work started, I was visited by a dear friend. My relationship with this friend has been very up and down over the past two years, and right now, I’m not even sure where we stand to be honest. We barely talk these days. I’ve been trying of late but he isn’t reciprocating my efforts–which is fair because I had been the one on the non-reciprocating end of things for the past few months. I’ve resolved not to raise this issue with him because we might just end up going through yet another cycle… so I’m glad he’s never going to read this, as he doesn’t even know this blog exists. I don’t blame him for the way he’s acting right now though–I understand him. I feel like I’ve come to terms with the fact that at this point in life, we’re two very different people on two different frequencies. And “love” doesn’t automatically make everything right–it doesn’t automatically eliminate significant differences or automatically make timing right.

It was really nice to see him though, as always. It was quite a spontaneous visit that involved rerouting his flight back to school, and that gesture alone made me rethink so many things. During his visit, I let out all my pent-up frustrations at him (you know my ass, I will always eventually explode 😂 ) and after we spoke about everything, we transformed into the people we were the year before. Happy, comfortable, silly, and just content being in each other’s presence. Unfortunately, this was short-lived. The month of January continued, and our transformation reversed.

At the end of the month, something happened. Wow, just read that sentence and it’s literally the laziest thing ever written by mankind, but I’ve tried and tried in vain to come up with something better. It’s just that this “something” (which btw was totally unrelated to my “dear friend”) was an all-or-nothing type thing; it’s hard to tell the tale half and half. But it left such a horrible impact on me emotionally, mentally, and physically to an extent. I had never felt so vulnerable, broken and violated. I was confused and torn; I had so many questions but I didn’t have the answers. Usually, when I’m in a tight spot, being a worrier/relative pessimist, I tend to obsess over everything that’s going wrong (as evidenced in Part 2 of this series)–but even in such moments, I know in my heart that those tight spots would eventually become distant memories. But for the first time in my life, I could not see the dark cloud over my head passing away.

I could not overcome the negative emotions I was feeling–the truth is I didn’t even have the strength to fight them. One night, I wrote in my diary:

“God, I can’t even say I can’t do this alone. The fact is I can’t do this at all. Please do this FOR me”

I was a walking bucket of tears. Not just any bucket, but a bucket that was filled to the brim–easily triggered to spill. And it showed, no matter how hard I tried not to let it show. One day at work, my Associate Coach called me into an empty Partner’s office. She’s not usually one to show emotion but I could see the concern in her furrowed brow as she asked, “Chioma, is everything okay? You’ve been seeming kind of off lately.” I replied saying that I was good, that it was just some emotional stuff, but I tried to brush it off like it wasn’t a big deal. I knew she wasn’t sold but she didn’t want to pry so she let it go. That day, I cried in the bathroom at work.

I was a mess, but not a complete one. At times, I felt happy and thought I was okay, but before I knew it, I’d be back to square one. One particular night, I cried myself to sleep, but that was fine. What alarmed me was the nature of this crying. As I cried, I felt like my chest was tearing apart, like I was suffocating. Looking back, that week was without a doubt one of the worst weeks of my life. It was like I was trying to get my shit together but failing miserably. By the next few weeks, I was much better! 60% of the time, I could talk about what happened without feeling a lump in my throat. I was still going through ranging emotions–from anger to shame to indifference to disappointment to betrayal to amazement. Sometimes, I’d just burst out laughing–like you know when something is so maddd that you don’t even know how to react lol it was a crazy couple of weeks/months.

I didn’t drink any alcohol or go out for a while. I was just trying to enjoy life gently-gently, going through the motions–working, eating out from time to time with my sis S, gisting with friends, watching my numerous TV shows, touching up my remaining grad school apps, practicing my dance movezz in my room mirror, snapchatting like I always doezzz. And life was good. I was GENUINELY happy. The cloud was gone, and I was beginning to see things in a completely different light. God was working. He was taking His time, but I didn’t mind–He was carefully putting me back together piece by piece. But obviously, at this point, I’d already started giving 2016 major side-eye. So much had already happened in just the first quarter. I became anxious about what other things the year could possibly hold for me.


P.S. Damn, these last two posts were quite soul-dampening. Don’t worry, will be bringing the messiness and drama in the next. Talk later.